he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Even my vagina gasped.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
