I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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