My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
please come you make the beer taste better
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
