no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
