I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
