Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
are you so shy because you have an std?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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