I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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