im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
