the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
