My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
