you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
