I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
