bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize