in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
