Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
