the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
