...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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