I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize