Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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