bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
