we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
