Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
