The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
