I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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