Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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