You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
PANTIES FOUND
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