There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
