True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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