Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
