forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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