but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
