I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
