He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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