Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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