Your face is a jimmy john
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
