My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
