Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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