Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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