So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My cat gives me a boner
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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