Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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