who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
