He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
