These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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