I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize