Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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