Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
