Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize