Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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