He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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