I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
