okay pat passed out under dana's car
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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