You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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