you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
