Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
