I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
