dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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