Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
