yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
