So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
