I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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