she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
