It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
