Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
