I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
