I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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