Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
