I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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