You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he was CRYING into my vagina
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I would fuck him just for his dog
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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