i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
