He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
