I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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