Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize