How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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