The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
