I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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