who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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