If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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