drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
