that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
