God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
