i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize