Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
