dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
