No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
