Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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