dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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