u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
