Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
