We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
