Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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