Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
