first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
