help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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