his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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