My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
