I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You left your phone here
Wait...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
