Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Did I show you my penis last night?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
