It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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