i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
