my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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