evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
two words...techno handjob
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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