Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
