I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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