i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
