If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
