So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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