So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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